Sick Transit
I’m off again to Milwaukee today (Sunday). My plane this time was a fashionably late 10:30 am. I shared my shuttle ride to SeaTac with a couple of women who, when the driver asked, “what airline?” smugly said, “Hawaiian Air”. Now, when I answer the same question with “Northwest”, you don’t know, I might be going to Amsterdam, Tokyo or Honolulu - it’s not immediately evident that I’ll be sojourning on the shore of Lake Michigan. But Hawaiian Air is in Seattle for the sole purpose of transporting soggy treehuggers to the land of Aloha and Mahalo, and they’re headed for Maui. In fact, they’ll be staying at the same place in south Kihei that we’ve stayed when we’ve gone there. I did my best to tamp down my bitterness.
I had laid out some reading material for the trip (issues of NYRB, Emma by Jane Austen), but left it all lying on the coffee table in Seattle. So, during the “no electronical devices” portion of the flight, I was reduced to reading Northwest’s inflight magazine and the SkyMall Catalog. I seldom do this despite the amount of time I spend flying and in cozy proximity to them. SkyMall Catalog in particular might be what the puke bag is for. But. I was amazed at some of the things that could be waiting on your doorstop when you arrive home:
- Remote Controlled Robotic Hammerhead Shark - 23″ long, can range up to 40′ away. Eye sockets have working lights. Also available as a Bull Shark
- Pop-up Hot Dog Cooker - This thing looks like a Whack-A-Mole game played with male members instead of moles.
- The Flying Alarm Clock - launches a helicopter-like rotor that sails across the room when it goes off. The alarm won’t stop until you get up, retrieve the missile and place it back on the clock.
I apologize for my derision if any of you are enjoying these products in your homes.
Once aloft, my seatmate plugged in earphones and entertained himself with at least two miniature devices, a Crackberry-like thing with games on it and a Sony video player. I countered by watching two episodes of 30 Rock and the 4/19 episode of The Daily Show on my video iPod. 30 Rock is a show on NBC created by and starring Tina Fey, late of Saturday Night Live, and I’ve gotten hooked on it. It’s witty, sometimes witheringly sarcastic. Also stars Alec Baldwin, who may as well have been an SNL cast member, he’s hosted it so often, and Tracy Morgan from SNL.
The work week beckons.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to own a Remote Controlled Robotic Hammerhead Shark. Now, thanks to SkyMall, my dream can be realized.
I totally want the shark for my moat. I really want a moat.
And Emma is my very favorite JA.
I’m a Persuasion kind of JA fan, myself. I have to fly NWA for business waay too often, and only once was it to Amsterdam so I feel your bitter pain and raise you–I have never been to Hawaii. But I was going to say, if you enjoy SkyMall, you will love SkyMaul: Happy Crap You Can Buy from a Plane. http://snipurl.com/1i90q
there must be potential clients in tropical climes. maybe you could advertise in the skymall catalogue. hard to compete with the shark tho.
My teenagers (4-5 under our roof for 8 solid years, but who’s counting?) need that alarm clock.
I enjoyed your water pics at Vicki’s place. After poking around here for awhile I found a photo of someone playing an interesting cello at Joshua Tree Nat’l Park. Though we are practically neighbors, I attended Michigan State, so we most likely wouldn’t get along.
John - Happy swimming!
Kathy - Might your neighbors consider an LID to help fund it?
Molly - Thanks for that link - it’s a hoot! Nice to meet another Pacific NW blogger.
Roger - I have a shark impersonation that’s nearly as charming.
Babette - Another nearly-neighbor! And I’m fine with Spartans. The guy playing the cello in that picture is actually a bass player with the Boston Symphony. The cello belongs to another campmate who’s studying at Julliard. So, we had these two elite musicians bloodying their fingertips and abusing their ligaments all day on some very abrasive rock. The sound of the cello was otherworldly in that setting.
I too have sometimes been forced to read those airplane magazines, and it is HORRIBLE. We travel quite a bit because our younger daughter is a competitive gymnast. By the way, I am to the south of you by about 35 miles. We’ll be flying next summer to Milwaukee, so any helpful tips would be appreciated.